Alfie

One cold frosty morning I was sitting on my bed by the fire .  The flames were growing rapidly ,they grew so big that I ran downstairs to tell my mum . But there was no sign of her so I went in the garden to get the hose . Then I wound it so far that I could go all the way upstairs . I went to spray the fire .But when I sprayed the fire ,  the water was a white sort of colour . The water was spreading quickly , I put the fire out and while I celebrated I thought I hope when I go swimming tomorrow it won’t be like this .

4 thoughts on “Alfie”

  1. Alfie I love the list of words you used to describe the fire like rapidly! But maybe read back your writing a bit harder and add more strong punctuation. Also I think that you could add some speech, it might make it feel like you are the person in the story!

    Chloe, CJS

  2. I thought that your wow word,rapidly, was amazing. Mabye you should just read your work again because I saw that you had a mistake it was:I thought I hope that when……. Apart from that I found no mistakes.

  3. Good Work! I think a fire was a good way to use the prompt words. What would you put if you could add more? Your post made my head fill with good questions like ‘Why was the water white?’.

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