The Frightening Thunderstorm

As the weather changed ,they ran for the house and made it before the blast of rain got them. Tom and Peter, who are very close brothers, were out in the rain playing football before it started to thunder. Tom sat by the window watching the rain scream down the solid glass. “Why does it have to rain on a Saturday, Moaned Peter. “Because it just does, and if it does then it does”,Said Tom sick of complaints.”Ok carm down”, Said Peter. Tom carried on peeping out the window to see if the sudden down pour had stopped, but no it seemed like it would never stop…

3 thoughts on “The Frightening Thunderstorm”

  1. Morgan,

    I enjoyed reading your story because of your effective use of descriptive language. I love the way you used moaned after Peter had spoken. In your next piece of writing continue to explore other words as well as the word said.

    Well done on being selected for the showcase this week.

  2. Great work Tom!
    Brilliant use of descriptive language to set the scene. Also, a great use of speech to make the text exciting for the reader. Next time try re-reading your work to check punctuation is placed correctly. Congratulations on making the showcase.

    Keep up the Good work!
    From the UK.

  3. A fantastic piece of work Morgan!

    I think you have started your piece brilliantly! You have the reader anticipating what is to come.
    I also really like how you have given the readers an insight into the relationship between the brothers by their dialogue. Just make sure that you proof read your work to make sure that you are not missing out any punctuation.
    You have also included phrases to up-level your work, such as “the rain scream down the solid glass.”

    Great work!

    Congratulations on being selected for the showcase.
    Best wishes from the UK.

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