The Red Snake

One day there lived a boy named Jeff and he was cycling to school suddenly he felt something on his back so he stoped and looked but there was nothing there so he walked the rest of the way.He looked at the clock and it was 8:35 “oh no im late ” then i seen a red snake i fanted i was in a hosbital .       and the snake was next to me deid befor that heppend i left my bike a the feild i sed mum can you go get my bike for me i left it a the old feild please.

4 thoughts on “The Red Snake”

  1. Hi Sam,
    I do not blame you for asking your mother to collect your bike! What a scary moment that must have been. I wonder how the snake died…

    Miss Rebecca
    Team 100
    (Phuket, Thailand)

  2. That seems like a scary moment for Jeff because if you have to go to the hospital. I hope Jeff’s bike is okay and good job using descriptive words like fainted and plenty more good words.

  3. Hi Sam,
    I liked how you used some transitions. For example, you used suddenly in the first sentence. Also, a fact I have for you is there are a lot of other snakes in the world that aren’t just red there are yellow, green, and maybe sometimes brown or orange. Additionally, a connection I have to your story is I know someone named Jeff because in class we watched a plastic video and the guy talking was Jeff Bridges. Something to improve on is your spelling and using the five words exactly how they are such as cycled and not cycling. But, in conclusion I still liked your story.
    Happy writing,
    Trinity in Illinois
    Check out my blog at

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