The spooky house

My best friend and I were walking home when we saw a house in the fields which we had never seen before. I said bye to my friend and ran to the brick house, but then the weather  changed dramatically and I  knocked on the brown oak door. It slowly creaked open and I stepped inside, it was really messy but I explored downstairs. There was nothing there then I saw the stairs and I  went up. I heard banging and moaning from the only door left, I crept towards the door and knocked slowly. It opened and  I  screamed…

 

2 thoughts on “The spooky house”

  1. Hi Olivia,
    I think your piece of writing is really good and it creates lots of suspense and tension. You have described it really well by using adverbs and adjectives. Well done, but I think you could improve it by adding in some adverbial phrases and adding some more commas where needed.

    From Olivia
    At Friday Bridge Primary School.

  2. Hi Olivia, I’m Edward and Mackenzie i love the fantastic words like dramatically banging and moaning also I loved the suspense and tension

    All the best

    Edward & Mackenzie
    At Friday Bridge Primary School

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